Working Mom Guilt

Written by Amber Butzer, LPC and Move Forward Counseling Therapist

A Major Life Transition

Having a child is arguably one of the most significant life changes a woman can experience. Physical changes, hormone changes, schedule changes, and identity changes, to name a few. It is no wonder that a survey by Bright Horizons reports that 87% of working mothers feel guilty about the impact of their job on their children (Erica Anderson Rooney).  

Let’s be honest; juggling a career, caregiving, marriage, family, friendships, and hobbies is no easy feat. For the women who are lucky enough to have 12 weeks of maternity leave, shifting from 24/7 motherhood tasks to balancing professional tasks can bring on a lot of different emotions. It can be increasingly stressful when the mother leaves the home for eight hours or more each day. 

Replacing Guilt with Balance

Let’s define mom guilt: it can be a temporary feeling if you are one of the superwomen who can find a steady groove without caving into society’s expectations of “doing it all.” If you’re like me, mom guilt can be an omnipresent feeling of lacking in one area or another, and feeling completely drained by the end of the day. Maybe you’re concerned that you are going to impact your child’s development and well-being by spending so much time and energy at work.

Yet, the thought of giving up your career, which you have worked so hard for, does not feel like an option for values or practical financial reasons. Here’s the good news: Mom guilt does not have to be a never-ending theme in your story. I’m not saying you won’t have moments of guilt because let’s be honest, life happens, and sometimes one area needs more of our attention than another. However, we can work toward a steady balance that accounts for our motherhood and our professional goals.  

Getting Started

• The first thing we need to do is let go of comparison. Each woman’s motherhood is unique to her and her children’s experience and needs; no one else. What one family does for balance may not work for another family, and that’s okay!
• It is also important to determine what your truth is as a mother. This means taking some mindful time to explore what values speak true to you regarding your family, your career, and your identity.
• The next thing to consider is switching from a perfectionistic mindset of parenting to a good enough mindset. Here is something to consider: “If you are a perfect parent, and none of us can ever be, but even if you could be theoretically, you are definitely not teaching your children resilience…because you are too busy protecting them” (Overcoming Mom Guilt From Perfect Parenting to Good Enough).

The shift happened for me when I recognized that I value showing my daughter that women can be impactful in their careers. I model this to my daughter every day that I show up to work.  

I understand that these are complex ideas and emotions that can be difficult to challenge and change. We all want the best for our children. If you find that you are struggling to overcome mom guilt, it may be worth seeking out an experienced professional counselor to help guide you to explore the reasons behind the guilt you are experiencing. If anything, start with grace and compassion for yourself and go from there.  

Counseling for Mom Guilt

To inquire into Counseling for Mothers, Life Transitions, setting wellness goals, or any challenges you may be experiencing due to mom guilt, contact MFC scheduling to ask about counseling with Amber Butzer or another specialized MFC therapist. 

Related Articles

Mom Guilt: We All Feel It, Written by Erica Anderson Rooney

Overcoming Mom Guilt: From Perfect Parenting to Good Enough, Written by Dr. Rachel Glik

Postpartum in the Workplace, Written by Amber Butzer, LPC