“Why Don’t I Enjoy Motherhood As Much As I Thought I Would?” was written by a Move Forward Counseling administrative staff member and reviewed by company leadership.
Expectations vs. Reality
During pregnancy, it’s fun to imagine what life will be like with a little one. Lots of giggles, snuggles, and sweet cooing. Or maybe your favorite “mom-influencer” shows all the best parts of motherhood and makes it look easy. Maybe you’re picturing all the movies where motherhood just looks so enjoyable.
But then reality sets in. There are so many changes and unexpected challenges in motherhood — so many factors that can affect, and even put a damper on, your motherhood journey.
- Your baby doesn’t sleep well at night
- Your labor and delivery didn’t go the way you hoped
- Your baby struggles to latch, which can affect your breastfeeding plans
- Your baby is colicky or hard to soothe
- You don’t have a “village”
It seems like no one wants to talk about the hard parts of parenting. Motherhood can feel isolating because you might assume no one else is struggling as much as you are.
No One Talks About Grief
It’s probably no surprise that welcoming a baby comes with a lifestyle change. But maybe you weren’t prepared for how much would change. Many mothers grieve several things.
- Your old routines
- Being spontaneous
- Quiet mornings
- Controllable sleep schedules
It’s totally acceptable to grieve the old version of you while still loving your baby. You can miss the fun you had while still appreciating your new journey.
Where Did “Me” Go?
Becoming a parent is a huge lifestyle change. It’s so easy for new moms to feel like they’ve “lost themselves.” Especially with how demanding newborns can be, there is no easy transition into motherhood. It’s hard for new mothers to balance caring for their baby and still getting “me time.” Many mothers struggle to accept the loss of their old self — there are many parts of their old lives they feel like they’ve lost.
- Time to spend with friends, especially childfree friends
- Time for hobbies or activities they once enjoyed
- Fitness and other personal goals
- Career advancements and opportunities
- Traveling for relaxation
It can feel like motherhood slowly erodes who you once were outside of parenting.
The Comparison Trap
Social media can be a wonderful tool for the modern mom. It can be a great way to find community and support in forums and online groups, and it’s helpful to find quick solutions from other parents’ advice when an issue comes up.
But it also opens the door to a comparison game. “Momfluencers” make a living performing for others, so when they show only the positive and fun parts of parenting, it’s easy for the average mom to feel like she’s not doing enough. It might even be this way with social media friends — your friend from high school only ever seems to post happy, smiling photos of her and her family. So she must always be that happy, right?
There’s a real danger in comparing your “behind-the-scenes” to someone else’s curated highlights.
Is This Postpartum Depression, or Is This Just… Motherhood?
It’s hard to know whether your feelings about motherhood are normal or something more serious. It’s very common for freshly postpartum moms to experience “the baby blues.” Here are some common traits of the baby blues vs. something more serious.
It might be the “baby blues” if…
- Typically starts 2 to 3 days after delivery
- Usually resolves after 2 weeks
- Symptoms: mood swings, weepiness, irritability, anxiety, trouble sleeping (beyond newborn-related), feeling overwhelmed
- Feelings come and go — good moments mixed with hard ones
- Doesn’t significantly interfere with your ability to function or care for baby
- No treatment needed beyond rest, support, and time
It might be postpartum depression if…
- Starts anytime within the first year
- Persists for weeks or months without treatment — doesn’t resolve on its own
- Symptoms: persistent sadness or emptiness, severe mood swings, withdrawal, difficulty bonding with baby, overwhelming fatigue, intense irritability or anger, feelings of worthlessness/guilt/shame, difficulty concentrating, changes in appetite or sleep beyond newborn disruption, loss of interest, and in severe cases, thoughts of harming self or baby
- Symptoms are constant or worsening, not intermittent
- Interferes with daily functioning and ability to care for self or baby
- Requires professional support (therapy, sometimes medication)
There are many similarities between the normal baby blues and postpartum depression. The line between the two can be fine. It’s important to monitor your symptoms and reach out for help if they become more serious.
The Guilt of Not Feeling Grateful
If motherhood hasn’t been enjoyable, it can be hard to accept those feelings. It’s easy to think about all the families who struggle with infertility and might not have the chance to grow their family. Feelings of guilt can arise when thinking about friends who have suffered a pregnancy loss. While those experiences may be real for some, they don’t take away from the struggles and hardships other mothers face.
When mothers suppress feelings of guilt, those feelings can intensify rather than fade. New mothers may feel expected to be grateful for the opportunity, so when they feel guilty, they also feel shame. It’s okay to acknowledge the feelings that come with this new experience, even if it’s just by writing them in a journal.
What I Wish Someone Had Told Me Before I Became a Mom
It’s no surprise that becoming a mother comes with many changes. These changes can be challenging when you don’t anticipate them. Mothers can be thrown off when their journeys start off with things they hadn’t even considered. Here are some challenges new mothers might face that aren’t always expected.
- The recovery process after birth, especially with C-sections
- Sleep deprivation
- Challenges with breastfeeding
- Not bonding with your baby instantly
- The mental load of anticipating baby’s needs
- Mourning your identity
It’s okay to feel shocked and overwhelmed by such a big lifestyle change. Many mothers go through similar experiences.
Finding Small Moments of Joy
While new mothers may not have the easiest postpartum experience, it’s still possible to find small joys. Instead of focusing on the big picture, take a moment to enjoy the little giggles or quiet snuggles. Learning to notice the little things can shift your perspective without feeling like you need to resolve the big picture.
Focusing on the positive won’t make the hardships fade, but it does allow mothers to accept where they are. Two things can be true — you can enjoy the sweetest parts of your baby while knowing it’s a difficult transition. Looking for these moments can be a small act of resilience, and it can keep you connected to yourself and your baby through this difficult season.
Redefining What “Enjoying Motherhood” Means
Enjoyment doesn’t mean constant happiness. It can be as simple as finding meaning, connection, or purpose — even on the hardest days. It’s okay to let go of the all-or-nothing idea that if you’re not enjoying every moment of parenting, then you’re failing. Success in motherhood can be redefined as showing up, being honest, and adapting — not performing tasks with effortless joy.
Struggling to enjoy motherhood as much as you thought you would doesn’t mean you don’t love your child or that something is wrong with you — it means you’re human, and honesty about that is its own kind of strength.
When to Ask for Help
There is no threshold for when it’s time to reach out. You don’t need to be in crisis to have a valid reason to ask for help. Persistent feelings — sadness, anxiety, disconnection, resentment — that last beyond a couple of weeks or that interfere with daily life are worth talking to someone about, even if you’re still “functioning.”
Asking for help earlier often means an easier recovery, not a sign that things had to get unbearable first.
How Postpartum & New Motherhood Therapy in Pennsylvania Works at Move Forward Counseling
At Move Forward Counseling, licensed Pennsylvania therapists use blended approaches tailored to your needs.
What to Expect
- A warm, grounded first session
- Space to share your story at a comfortable pace
- Help identify the most supportive therapy fit
- Insurance-friendly options and online sessions across Pennsylvania
Mini-FAQ
- Do you offer online therapy? Yes—online therapy is available statewide.
- Can I request a certain therapy type? Yes—your therapist will help you explore what fits best.
- Is the first session overwhelming? Most people find it grounding and calming.
- Do you offer flexible scheduling options? Yes—availability varies by therapist. Get started now.
How to Start Therapy
If you’re unsure where to begin, reaching out to learn more can be a helpful first step. Reach out to ask about available therapists on our contact page.
Remember, the first session is simply a chance to:
- feel supported
- talk through your needs
- explore what’s possible
- and talk with someone trained and specialized in helping to overcome motherhood challenges.
MFC is here to help you take that next step at a pace that feels comfortable and reassuring.
