Need to Build a Kinder Relationship With Yourself? How IFS Can Help
Article developed by Move Forward Counseling licensed therapists Bethany Mittelman, LPC, and Megan Saul, LPC. Contact MFC for IFS Therapy with one of our experienced IFS licensed therapists today.
Finding a Gentle, Compassionate Way to Understand Yourself
What exactly is IFS?
Internal Family Systems, or IFS, is a type of therapy that helps you get to know the different “parts” of yourself—and to do it with kindness. Instead of trying to get rid of uncomfortable thoughts or feelings, IFS teaches you how to listen to them with curiosity. At the center of this work is your Self – the calm, confident, grounded version of you that’s always there, even when things feel overwhelming.
IFS was developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz and is based on a simple yet powerful idea: we all have different “parts” within us.
- Parts hold information and can function on autopilot to make our lives easier. This can be as simple as how to turn on the microwave, to smile and say hi when you see a coworker, or to tell your friend why you’re feeling sad. (Basically, establishing that we all have parts and they can be very healthy. Parts are not created by trauma; they react to trauma)
- When something painful happens, a part of us can get stuck in that moment. These parts—called exiles—hold the emotions, beliefs, and memories from the past event. When triggered, the feelings from that time can come rushing back as if they’re happening all over again.”
We All Have Many “Parts”—And That’s Completely Normal
Examples:
- Think about the part of you that wants to stay cozy in bed… and the part that pops up reminding you to walk the dog. Both parts are trying to help in their own ways.
- If you never learned healthy motivation, a part of you might try to “motivate” through guilt or shame: “You never stick to anything—what’s wrong with you?” It doesn’t feel good, but that part is trying—imperfectly—to help.
Then we have protector parts—the parts of us that step in to keep painful feelings from surfacing. They mean well, but sometimes the strategies they use (like self-sabotage, people-pleasing, shutting down, or using substances) aren’t helpful in the long run.
The goal is to connect with your Self—the calm, curious, compassionate part at your core—and help these parts release the burdens they’ve been carrying. Over time, they can take on healthier roles, and you begin to feel more grounded and in control.
IFS helps you build a relationship with these parts so they don’t have to work so hard or feel so alone. In IFS, we don’t try to push these parts away. Instead, we get to know them.
Who Can Benefit From IFS?
Anyone can benefit from IFS. You don’t need to be good at meditating or imagining things. Parts work can happen through visual images, body sensations, writing, or simply through conversation. IFS can support people with:
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Anxiety and depression
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Chronic stress or health issues
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Emotional overwhelm
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Relationship struggles
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Feeling “stuck” in patterns
Why Do Therapists Love IFS?
One of the biggest reasons therapists use IFS is that it doesn’t judge or label your internal world. There are no bad parts. Even the parts that feel heavy or harsh are just trying to protect you in the only way they know how. IFS tends to feel natural and intuitive for many people. Instead of trying to “fix” or “stop” your thoughts, you get to approach them with compassion and curiosity.
Here’s what IFS can help you explore:
- Understanding emotions without being overwhelmed
IFS gives you space to listen to your feelings rather than fight them.
- Healing past experiences
You can revisit difficult memories in a way that feels safe, supported, and steady—because you’re not going back alone.
- Changing old patterns
When your parts trust that you (your Self) can lead, they don’t have to use extreme strategies to get your attention.
How IFS Helps People Grow
One of the most beautiful outcomes of IFS is that it strengthens your connection to your Self. As that connection grows, people often notice they feel more:
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Calm
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Clear
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Compassionate
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Curious
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Creative
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Courageous
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Connected
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Confident
IFS helps you accept where you are while gently guiding your system toward healing. It’s not about getting rid of parts—it’s about helping them feel supported, valued, and understood.
Who Is IFS Helpful For?
IFS can be useful for so many people, especially with clients seeking trauma therapy.
Sometimes, when doing EMDR, you may hit a point where things feel stuck. That’s often a sign that a protective part has stepped in and isn’t ready to allow the processing to continue. Switching to an IFS lens helps us understand why that’s happening. Once we acknowledge and connect with that protector part, the work often opens up again. It’s like giving that part a voice instead of pushing past it.
IFS is the way to encourage gentle curiosity. Many people carry so much shame or judgment toward the parts of themselves that lived through trauma. Facing those parts can feel scary—and for a long time, you may have tried to avoid them altogether. IFS gives you a safe, compassionate way to reconnect with those parts without overwhelming them.
Why IFS Has Been Such a Meaningful Addition to Therapy
IFS has brought a deeper sense of understanding and connection into trauma therapy. It helps people make sense of why certain emotions or behaviors show up and offers a way to work with those parts rather than fight against them.
Integrating IFS with EMDR creates more space for healing, clarity, and self-compassion. And for many people, that shift—from judgment to curiosity—is where real change begins.
Final Thoughts
IFS is a powerful yet gentle way to understand your inner world. When you learn to approach your parts with kindness, you build a deeper relationship with yourself—one rooted in compassion rather than criticism. And that shift can change everything. You can do parts work on your own, but working with an IFS-trained therapist can make a big difference. They help you spot blind spots, stay grounded during strong emotions, and move at a pace that feels safe.
Book IFS Therapy with Move Forward Counseling
Schedule IFS therapy with Move Forward Counseling with a licensed IFS-trained therapist by contacting MFC today. IFS therapists include Bethany Mittelman, LPC, Susannah Berry, LSW, and Megan Saul, LPC. Need help understanding how to get started and whether IFS is the right therapy technique for you? Ask our scheduling team, which can help answer your questions and help you get started.
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